Consistency and routine are important aspects of a child’s life. (We even wrote a previous blog post about it!) In early childhood, a regular list and schedule of activities is helpful in teaching children basic skills and patterns they will follow for most of their lives. There’s definitely something comforting about consistency. Think about it: When you have a set routine for the day, you have a general idea of what to expect, you have lower anxiety about the day, and you feel more in control of your actions and environment. These same benefits apply to your children as they have a steady routine.
Why family rituals?
Family rituals contribute to a family’s basic structure. What are things you learned from your family growing up? Most of my childhood memories relate to the activities we did together like birthday and holiday traditions. During these times, I learned how to be kind, show others I love them, and what quality time can look like. Through these meaningful experiences, I grew to understand what values my family holds and what I wanted to incorporate into my future relationships. Family rituals are meant to strengthen the family unit as well as the relationships between family members. Rituals help to build a sense of belonging, security, and identity for the whole family. Where you spend your time as a family reflects what you value.
According to the American Psychological Association, family rituals and routines can help organize family life and create stability when in the midst of stress and other transitions. Children thrive when they feel safe and protected, and often this comes in the form of an expected activity. During times of uncertainty, rituals can help a family stay anchored to what matters and strengthen their bond.
So, what makes a ritual?
Often when people hear the word “ritual”, they picture something old-fashioned and rigid. However, family rituals can be whatever you want them to be! They could be something your family does once a year or every night. Family rituals don’t need to be elaborate, perfectly planned, or complicated events. Often it is the small, daily, and seemingly insignificant acts that contribute to your family’s overall connection. The ultimate goal is to spend intentional time together, whatever that looks like for your family dynamic.
Here are a few examples of family rituals you might be familiar with:
- Celebrations
- Making (and eating) a holiday treat together
- Birthday family member picking what food to eat that day
- Going out to eat to celebrate an anniversary
- Decorating for the holidays
- Gift giving/receiving (White Elephant, Secret Santa, etc.)
- Hosting or attending a group party
- Listening to seasonal music
- Kids all sleeping in the same room on Christmas Eve
- Morning/Nighttime Routine
- Reading at least one book before bed
- Tucking children into bed
- Weekly Family Time
- Movie or game night
One of the most common family rituals is gathering for mealtime. There are many physical, social-emotional, and academic benefits to having regular family mealtimes. Sitting down and eating a meal together can help children develop language as they engage in conversation with family members. Respectful communication can be both modeled and practiced in this type of setting. In such a fast-paced world, it is often hard to be still and present with family members. One way to improve family mealtime is to start small. Even having just a few meals a week as a family (it doesn’t always have to be dinner!) can result in huge benefits.
Family mealtimes also provide a great opportunity to check in with each family member. A question often asked at the dinner table is “How was your day?” which is usually met with a one-word response. Anne Fisel, Executive Director of the Family Dinner Project, suggests playing a game with your kids like Rose, Thorn, Bud. Each family member shares something funny or positive about their day (Rose), something that was difficult or challenging (Thorn), and something they are looking forward to or hope to happen tomorrow (Bud). I learned another fun version of this game called Wow, Pow, Chow with similar concepts (Chow is the best thing you ate that day!). Simple and fun conversation starters like these with your child(ren) can help you be more aware of what is going on in their lives.
How to create a ritual
Family rituals are about shared family values and experiences. Are there traditions from your childhood you want to introduce or continue with your family now? Deciding what family rituals you will engage in does not need to be left up to you. Hold a brainstorming session with your child(ren) and see what they think would be fun to try! Including your children in the process can help them contribute to your overall family dynamic, give them a sense of belonging, and encourage excitement for family time.
Before you get overwhelmed and think you need to create a family ritual for every single holiday or special occasion, take a minute to consider what you have the bandwidth for. Different seasons of life may influence what your family rituals look like. Think about where your family is already spending time together. You could be creating a ritual and didn’t even know it!
