Children who feel close to their fathers are twice as likely to go to college, 75% less likely to have a teen birth, 80% less likely to go to jail, and half as likely to experience depression. But what about fathers who work long hours? Balancing a demanding career with building a strong parent-child bond can be difficult. Is your child doomed to failure because Dad is busy?
I’ve grappled with similar questions as my husband prepares for medical school. I know my future children will do better across the board if their father is involved in their lives. Thus, my husband and I can’t help but worry about navigating baby’s first steps and 80-hour work weeks.
If you’re like us and are worried about your child missing out on crucial father bonding, rest assured that you can still make a positive impact on your child’s life. Whether you are a surgeon, a truck driver, a CEO, or anywhere in between, you can be an involved father. Here are three suggestions to start practicing today:
1. Establish routines and expectations.
Have regular conversations with your child about your work schedule so they know what to expect. Then, make space in your schedule for consistent parent-child time.
Growing up, my grandparents took me to the donut store every Saturday morning. Each weekend, I could count on rolling out of bed and driving to our favorite local spot. I was greeted by name by the store owners before ordering my favorite glazed sprinkle donut with an apple juice. Looking back, this morning ritual was more than a sweet treat; it was something that made me feel safe and connected to my family.
Research shows that family routines—from bedtime stories to Saturday donut runs—provide a stable environment for kids to have healthy development. Keep routines simple and realistic so your child can count on you. It is helpful to schedule important kid activities in your calendar just as you would a work meeting.
2. Participate in common activities with your children.
One study suggests that father involvement in family leisure is linked to family unity and better family functioning. Family leisure can include anything from family vacations to family dinners. The common, everyday home activities are the most meaningful for your child. It doesn’t have to be big; when you come home after a long day, even a quick dog walk or couch cuddles will go a long way. Imagine the lasting smile on your child’s face when you make up a silly secret handshake together or have an impromptu dance party. Maybe you take 10 minutes to stargaze in the backyard or 10 seconds for a goodnight hug. Let your child help you with things you already need to do, too, like washing the car. Here is a list of 40 more simple and fun activities that you can do with your child to help them feel closer to you.
3. Prioritize quality over quantity.
Research presented by The Fatherhood Project suggests that “the quality of the father-child relationship matters more than the specific amount of hours spent together.” Fathers can still make a real difference in their children’s well-being and achievement, even if they only have limited hours at home.
When you are with your child, make a special effort to connect on their level. I grew up in a different state from my dad. We didn’t get to see each other every day, not even every month. But whenever I visited him, we had scary movie nights in the basement while devouring what we called “sprinkles with a side of ice cream.” This was our special thing. It wasn’t a matter of how often we saw each other, but how deeply we connected when we did.
Along these lines, experts remind us that choosing to be fully present for your child will help make ordinary time more meaningful. Put the phone or laptop away as much as you can and listen to what they’re excited or worried about. Show your child that they matter, even when you’re busy.
The truth is, working fathers are under a lot of stress. They are expected to both provide for and be involved in their family. Balancing work and family isn’t easy, but remember: you don’t have to be perfect—just present. You got this! 
