Parenting is a journey! Before a baby is born, parents-to-be often feel excitement that can oscillate between happy anticipation and anxiety about the unknown future. After the baby is born, a process of adaptation follows. In a way, parenting is a process of constant adaptation and readjustment. Especially in the early years, children develop so fast! Just as you have figured out what works, a new development occurs. Strategies that work for one developmental stage might not work for the next one, and parenting successes and challenges are different for each child! Although children do not come with a manual, having knowledge of parenting and child development greatly helps with ever-changing life circumstances and developments that children go through. This is why it is considered one of the Five Protective Factors (also known as the Five Strengths) that help families thrive, even in the face of challenges.
1. Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development: Parenting as Children Grow
2. Concrete Support in Times of Need: Knowing How to Find Help
3. Parental Resilience: Building Inner Strength
4. Social Connections: Connecting with Others
5. Social and Emotional Competence of Children: Helping Kids Understand Feelings
Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
When a baby is born, a parent is born at the same time! Although most parents find consistency in their parenting values and practices, parenting evolves over time and is unique for every single child. Parenting is not just about the parent’s values, background, beliefs, strengths, and practices: it always involves a unique relationship between every parent and every child. Knowledge of child development and parenting includes knowing what to expect at each age, fostering secure relationships, modeling the behaviors you want to see in your child, finding reliable information, and trying out new parenting strategies as children change. It truly is a journey!
Developmental Needs of Children
Every human being has a need for connection, a need for independence, and a need to feel competent (in addition to basic needs, like nutrition, shelter, and sleep). The importance of each of these needs changes as children develop. Babies’ primary need is for connection: they cannot survive without nurturance from loving adults. Early parenting consists mostly of caregiving, such as making sure the baby is fed, bathed, and rested, and of getting to know your baby and yourself as a parent. Babies show subtle cues that they are getting tired, hungry, or want to interact, but it takes time and practice to learn each baby’s unique signals. For toddlers, independence becomes a more prominent need. Sometimes the change is sudden; sometimes more gradual. But it is a healthy development for every toddler to begin to say “no!” and assert his or her own will. This stage requires different parenting skills, even though toddlers continue to need the love and nurturance that they needed as little babies. During the preschool years, mastery and competence become more and more important, as young children are learning non-stop and become even more independent. Throughout all ages, there is a mix of all of these developmental needs.
Although there are general developmental stages, every child also has his or her own unique temperament, likes and dislikes, way of communicating, emotional expressions, and more. Babies with a so-called “easy” temperament are quite predictable, sociable, and content. Other babies startle easily and are harder to soothe. There is a whole range of styles in between, and parents are constantly learning what works for each child. On top of that, the temperament of the parent and child can be similar or different. For instance, both can be outgoing and social, or one can be very social and the other more introverted. (You can compare your young child’s temperament with your own here). Sometimes, the match between the parent’s and child’s temperaments makes parenting easier. Other times, we need to pause and consider which parenting strategies might help us adjust to situations when our children’s temperamental tendencies do not align with our own. These are opportunities for learning and growth!
Parenting Basics
As parents learn their unique children’s ways of responding and expressing themselves, their parenting evolves! Parents play many roles, such as manager of their child’s time, caregiver, role model, playmate, rule keeper, and more. For babies and young children, a major need is to develop a secure attachment relationship, in which the parent helps the child to soothe and organize feelings and offers a secure base from which the child can explore. Within the Circle of Security, children go out to explore the world and come back to their parent when they need comfort and reassurance.
Once children begin to assert more independence, a balance between loving nurturance and boundaries becomes important. The authoritative parenting style (a mix of giving warmth and love, along with clear expectations and rules) is optimal for most children. At the same time, every child responds in their own unique way to parenting strategies, even within the same family. For instance, some children respond immediately to “the look,” while others only respond when communications are delivered very clearly and with more authority. Most parents feel that they are stronger on the side of giving warmth and nurturing, or on the side of setting boundaries and maintaining expectations. And that’s okay! Of course, we can always continue to learn and evolve, and it can be especially helpful to seek out information on areas that we feel less familiar with, or practice skills that we haven’t learned so well yet.
Finding Parenting and Child Development Information
There are so many parenting tips and resources out there that it’s hard to know where to look and what to follow! The endless stream of parenting advice on social media, in books and videos, and from friends and family can lead to feelings of insecurity and guilt. But keep in mind that “the ideal parent” does not exist, and “good-enough parenting is… good enough!
At Help Me Grow Utah, we offer parenting and child development information that is supported by research and developmental experts. We can help you find information that aligns with your parenting goals and values, talk with you about your unique parenting questions, and offer you developmental questionnaires that can give insights on how your child’s development compares with that of other children of the same developmental level. You can take those screening questionnaires via this link, on paper (if you prefer), or via the Sparkler app. Your Parent Support Specialists will listen, offer a friendly voice, and follow up with you (as much or as little as you like). You can call, text, or email us at any time to ask any parenting questions that come up for you!
