You just got into your car, after finally getting your 3-year-old buckled into her car seat, and… the car won’t start. For some reason, the battery died, and now you fear being late for work, after dropping your child off at preschool. What would you do next?
Everyone needs help sometimes! In this example, maybe you have a trusted neighbor whose child goes to the same preschool. Could you ask her to drop your child off that day? Or do you have a neighbor who could help jump start your car? If not, maybe road assistance can come and help, though you know this may take a while. Whichever the situation is, you are going to need some support to solve the problem.
In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the most basic level consists of meeting physical needs, such as for food, clothing, and shelter. For parents, having these needs met frees up more possibilities for supporting their children’s development and nourishing their emotional needs. This is why it is considered one of the Five Protective Factors (also known as the Five Strengths) that help families thrive, even in the face of challenges.
- Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development: Parenting as Children Grow
- Concrete Support in Times of Need: Knowing How to Find Help
- Parental Resilience: Building Inner Strength
- Social Connections: Connecting with Others
- Social and Emotional Competence of Children: Helping Kids Understand Feelings
Asking for Help
Asking for help is not easy for most of us. Think about the last time you needed help with something. Were you able to think of someone who could help? Did you actively reach out to ask? I often forget that I can even ask for help! My husband continues to remind me, “You can ask me, you know? I’m right here!” Who do you turn to?
Most people rely on their family first when something cannot be done alone. A spouse or older child may be available and able to help. If so, they would be the first to ask, depending on your needs. The majority of U.S. adults (75%) have at least one parent or adult child live within 30 miles of their home. When parents need to work, about one in five ask a relative to care for their children. Not everyone has family close by, however, and there can be other reasons not to ask relatives for help. Issues such as lack of time, medical concerns, and transportation challenges, can make it hard or impossible to get the help you need from relatives, even if they live close. Disagreements about parenting can also get in the way: 43% of parents in a 2020 survey expressed disagreements with their own parents or parents-in-law about things like discipline, snacks, or screentime. Luckily, these were mild in most cases (only 6% expressed serious disagreements). It is natural to have some differences of opinion, but they usually can be worked out by discussing them, seeking common ground, and accepting that it is natural to have some differences. Grandparents can enrich their grandchildren’s lives in many ways! (Here’s a HMGU blog post about the value that grandparents bring).
The next category to ask for help and support would be friends (according to surveys by the Children’s Trust Fund Alliance), who often share similar life experiences. When you have children of a similar age, you can help each other with things like playdates, exchanging childcare, sharing parenting experiences, and learning about fun events to go to with your children. Having supportive friends can also strengthen all other protective factors!
In today’s world, it’s not unusual for everyone to be too busy to help you out when you need it. Fortunately, there are many other supports for families! If you feel uneasy about reaching out for help, consider how it feels to help someone else: lots of research shows that helping others not only makes us feel better, but even has a positive impact on our health!
Finding Resources for Concrete Support
If you are looking for concrete support, you can always ask your Help Me Grow Utah Parent Support Specialist to connect you to a resource or point you in the right direction. Parents often contact Help Me Grow Utah to seek services like speech therapy, childcare options, diagnostic evaluations, or other needs. Here are some resources that might be helpful for your family:
- Utah’s 2-1-1, offered by the United Ways of Utah, can connect you to many basic resources, like rental assistance, job finding opportunities, insurance options, and mental health resources.
- Programs across Utah, such as United Way Utah County, offer services like support with taxes (the VITA program) and Sub for Santa.
- Across the state, there are Family Support Centers that offer services like respite childcare (for when you need a break from parenting), therapy and parenting support, and other services to strengthen your family.
- Services for support with domestic violence situations can be found at the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition.
- The 9-8-8 helpline is there for you 24/7 when you are facing mental health challenges, including suicidal thoughts. You will be connected to a caring, well-trained crisis worker who is happy to listen and help you determine what to do next.
- For mental health crises, there are Mobile Crisis Outreach Teams (MCOT) for youth and adults across the state. MCOT teams consist of a licensed mental health worker and a highly trained peer support specialist. They can visit, offer support, and suggest further resources. You can reach out to them via 988.
- The Utah Parent Center has many supports for parents of children with a disability, such as how to create Individual Education Plans (IEPs) or 504 plans at school.
- Early Childhood Utah has a website where you can find community resources for your family – including Help Me Grow Utah!
There are many more resources to support your family! Our Help Me Grow Outreach team is constantly learning about new resources and maintaining close connections with existing organizations, so that we can support Utah families together! Call or text (801) 691-5322 or find us online!
