Social Media and Parenthood: Evaluating Your Expectations

Mom + Influencer = “Mom-fluencer”

Most parents would agree that morning sickness, changing diapers, potty training, and tantrums are all far from being glamorous. The daily tasks of raising children certainly have their fair share of rewards, but they also come with fatigue, discouragement, self doubt, and frustration.

How do social media influencers make it look so easy? Angel-faced toddlers wearing spotless outfits sit patiently on the couch reading chapter books far too advanced for their age. A sibling enters the room, gently plants a kiss on their baby sister’s head, and offers to clean the whole house for their mother–who is also wearing a spotless, Kate Spade jumpsuit, sporting flawless curls and a bright, white smile.

It’s completely unrealistic, and yet we buy into it. Our own homes have significantly more fruit-stained toddler tees, messy buns, and sibling brawls. You wouldn’t dare buy anything labeled “Kate Spade” for fear of getting covered in spit up.

Social media has, in many ways, distorted expectations for parenthood, and young motherhood especially. Thousands of entrepreneurial women have taken to Instagram and TikTok, sharing their make-up routines, parenting advice, and “post-baby bod” workouts. Of course, this is not always a negative thing. Many new mothers follow along because they hope to gain insight from someone with the lifestyle they want for themselves. It feels like a way to stay connected to people in the same stage of life. On the other hand, some don’t want the influencer-promoted lifestyle at all and have no idea why they feel compelled to keep scrolling. And yet, they can’t look away.

Something about young mom influencers, “mom-fluencers,” keeps us all coming back. Perhaps it’s the frequently unrealistic nature of their posts that gives us an escape from reality. Maybe it’s the idea that someone understands our experience and makes an effort to relate. Regardless of the reasons why we participate, it’s important to evaluate how our engagement with social media influencers may be affecting our self-esteem, parenting, and overall satisfaction with life.

Evaluating Self-expectations

Jessica Grose, a writer for the New York Times, discussed ways that we can evaluate our social media engagement and the guilt or pressures we may feel by comparing ourselves to other mothers. She invited mothers to ask themselves these questions when feeling pressured:

Does this [insert activity, task, or purchase I’m feeling pressured about] help to improve my relationship with my children? My partner? My extended family?
Does this [insert activity, task, or purchase I’m feeling pressured about] help to improve my community?

If the individuals that you are following on social media make you feel less satisfied in your relationships and more self critical, it may be time to do a clean out. Stop following people that don’t make your day better! That isn’t to say you shouldn’t use social media–there are many valuable ways that social media builds connection with others, such as maintaining long-distance friendships or family relationships. However, your well-being, and the well-being of your family members, matter so much more than the opinions and lifestyles of other parents. Find and follow mom-fluencers that make you feel seen, understood, and valued. It may be helpful to ask yourself:

Does this individual I’m following share similar values to my own?
Do I have respect for this person and the way they live their life aside from their possessions, experiences, and appearance?
Do the posts that this person shares bring me happiness, laughter, strength, or other genuinely positive emotions?

Let these questions help you decide where you spend your social media time. No matter what, remember that you are the best parent for your children. You are not made less because of someone else’s talents or accomplishments. Parenthood is not easy, and the work you do to support your children each day is beautiful, honorable, and worth celebrating.

Accounts to Check Out

Some of our Parent Support Specialists here at Help Me Grow Utah shared some of their favorite social media influencers who do a great job of staying grounded in reality*. It may be worth your time to check them out!

Shawna Lander

TikTok

@shawnathemom