I once sat at the feet of a new mother who had given birth just days before. She looked exhausted and a bit scared as she passed her newborn baby around to the anxiously awaiting family members. I saw myself in her stare, remembering what it was like after my first child was born. Feelings of loneliness, fear, anxiety, and a bit of depression rushed back to my memory, and I teared up in my compassion for this mother. Postpartum was hard after I had my first child. My spouse went back to work, the visitors went back to their routines, and the help ended in a weekends time. I sat in a basement with my newborn and found myself saying, It’s just you and me, little guy.
We often plan for the birth of a newborn with baby showers, reading books, worrying and nesting, but what comes after that may be of more importance. “According to Chinese medicine, birth is a shift from a yang state, in which a pregnant woman’s body is warm with the high volume of circulating blood and full due to the presence of baby in her womb, to a more yin state– the empty and cold counterbalance to yang”* (p. 36). Women across time and cultures have engaged in practices in those first weeks postpartum of retreat, warmth, support, rest, and ritual to support the mothers’ recovery and ultimately her vitality!
Retreat
As you begin this postpartum journey, you are encouraged to slow down and consider who you want in your circle. “The mom who is out and about the soonest with her baby is somehow the strongest. It is she who stays still that wins the prize” (p. 32)! This can look a variety of ways depending on how the delivery went and how you are feeling. Some women engage in the 5-5-5 rule, which encourages them to conserve energy by spending 5 days in bed, 5 on the bed, and 5 near the bed. This idea helps moms focus their energy instead on nursing and recovering while leaving other household duties and care of older children to their support system. In China, there’s a 2,000-year-old practice called “doing the month” in which a woman stays in her home for the first 30 days at home with baby. Most women can tell if they are overdoing it. If your postpartum bleeding gets heavier, it is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes the revolving door of visitors in the days or weeks after birth can take more from you than what you get in return. Do you feel like you need to host, look your best, or pass your baby around to the waiting hands? Do you have a limit on how many people can come at once? Who can come? Are your mother-in-law, cousins, nephews, and neighbors allowed to come by in the first week? “A mother today might have business obligations she can’t completely disregard for forty days, but she can practice restraint—setting boundaries, arranging cover, and forewarning clients or bosses” (p. 33). Be honest with yourself as you protect your nest.
Warmth
As we learned earlier, one practice that has been part of postpartum recovery in various cultures is the art of staying warm, no matter the season. “Women’s blood volume almost doubles during pregnancy to support her growing baby; after birth, the loss of this excess of warm, circulating blood, combined with her open state, means that heat must be recaptured and circulation boosted to optimize healing” (p. 33). Think cozy and stay cozy. Many women enjoy postpartum sitz baths, wearing cotton wool socks, woolen sweaters and maybe most importantly, eating soft and easily digestible foods. “According to Chinese medicine, supporting the digestive system or “middle burner” of the body builds up the blood, which in turn builds good breast milk—it’s a domino effect” (p. 34). Do you have a favorite soup? Herbal tea? Room temperature smoothie, etc.? We’ll talk later about support, but stocking up before baby with broths, and other staple cooking items and having some recipes on hand that you want your tribe to cook for you is an energy saver.
Support
Those first two to six weeks of postpartum support can accelerate your healing as it allows you to recover and bond with baby. Who is in your tribe? We may not live in small tribes as was done in earlier history, but in a sense, we all seek a link between ourselves and others. Write down your “tribe.” You may live far away from your parents, but is there a friend close by who can follow a simple recipe? There are various ways to feel support in those early weeks. You can set up a Meal Train (or have someone do it for you), ask your religious group for meals or house cleaning help, seek online postpartum support found here. Even calling a Help Me Grow Utah, Parent Support Specialist for further resources or simply a listening ear. You may find you want to surround yourself with people who are willing to clean poo-stained baby clothes, take out the trash, and cook a warm meal for you, rather than someone simply anxious to hold the baby. Your job is to determine whose support you want and then speak the requests you have. (Sometimes that’s the hardest part. Simply asking.)
Rest
We often overestimate the need for rest and yet, those early weeks after delivery ask just that. “Getting more rest is easier said than done. But it starts with re-orienting our minds and replacing old beliefs of “never enough” with the understanding that recovering and tending to baby, for now, is more than enough. In fact, it is everything” (p. 35). While the energy level can vary from one recovering mother to another, seeking opportunities to rest and recover leads to greater energy at the moments you need it most such as during feedings, late-night diaper changes, doctors’ appointments, and internal recovery. Rest can look like napping when baby naps, staying home as much as possible, as well as relying on your tribe to cook, clean, and care for you and baby, all of which can preserve energy and lessen stress.
Ritual
Ancient traditions mark the change when girls become women and women become mothers. “More than a few sociologists have observed that formally acknowledging motherhood as a source of pride and power helps a woman to decrease the fear of birth and stress or even depression afterward” (p. 36). This can be done in various ways. From a simple foot rub to a mother’s ceremony before and/or after baby comes. The ceremony could include a group of women bringing a single flower to make a flower crown for the mom-to-be. Or creating two lines of women, one of those who are mothers and one of those who are not mothers” (p.66). The mother-to-be embraces all the women who are not mothers in farewell and then joins the line of mothers. Another idea could be to ask all guests to think of empowering words or supportive thoughts and write them on a single paper. Those words could be posted in the mother’s room, bathroom, or in a place she visits often to encourage her. It may be the way you choose to tell your birth story whether spoken loud, privately, or on paper. However you choose to celebrate your baby’s arrival, remember that you too have “become” in this miraculous process, and acknowledgment for your efforts ought to be part of the celebration.
Upon the arrival of my second child, I was able to put these principles into practice, which in turn played a huge part in improving my postpartum mood and physical recovery. I felt stronger and whole, faster. My mood stayed elevated overall, and I have felt capable meeting the challenges that have come with parenting a second child. You may not have all the resources to have your ideal postpartum experience but work with what you have and remember that most people want to help, they just need you to vocalize your needs. Those first 2-6 weeks postpartum can set a foundation for long-term recovery and improve your perception of your birth experience.
Book Reference:
*The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother by Heng Ou
